Is Living Independently Really Independent?

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When you start leaving your parents’ house and rent your own place while supporting yourself financially is already dubbed as “living independently.” I always have great respect for my friends and other people I know of, who left home to support themselves while juggling life and work. They have all the space on their own, they can do whatever they want at home without being told, etc. Sounds fun huh? But living alone isn’t as easy as it seems. It takes a lot of courage (and budget) to do that.

Come to think of it, I used to envy my friends when they started leaving their parents’ home. When I was jobless for 2 years as the pandemic hit, I also dreamed of having my own space, of never having to clean someone else’s mess, of having a command of my own time etc. However, it all changed when I got to work again and if I have to be brutally honest, my current salary can’t even sustain me for a month, let alone for 2 weeks.

When Odette happened in Christmas, we had water shortage and it was the most important thing at the moment. We also needed fuel for the car so my dad and brother could gather water in some areas. Good thing my other brother and I had cash on hand so we were able to have an immediate cash for other necessities. I realized at that moment that if I were living alone, I wouldn’t have survived. I even knew someone who went home to his hometown because water supply wasn’t available in their area, let alone electricity for work. I was thankful because I had my family with me and we had to take on different roles just so we could sustain our needs for the time being.

How I feel sometimes when I compare myself with others
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To be honest, I was quite embarrassed knowing I’m still living under my parents’ roof while others are living independently. My best friend, she’s still living with her parents despite working in a corporate industry. We talked about this months ago and she honestly told me she kind of got pressured when she heard her friends talking about sharing a condo and looking for affordable ones.

 

However, one of my closest friends who has been living here in Cebu since college, admitted that when she went home to her hometown, she didn’t wanna come back here. She loved the feeling of being at home, of being with her family (she’s close with them by the way), of having breakfast ready the moment she woke up, the solitude she felt just by being there. The point here is, she loved the feeling of being with her family aside from the fact that most of her pay was going to her monthly bills. When we hung out once, I even told her my mom wanted me to have lunch first before I left and she exclaimed “sana ol nay mama! (Hope all has a mother! – I also hope I’m translating this properly lol).” She wanted to stay there for good.

So, what does living independently really mean? We always associate it with living in a different house from your parents and paying for everything on your own, or with your partner/roommate if you have one. But here’s the thing, it doesn’t always equate to that. People these days are going through things differently, including their living conditions. I have a new found friend from the new club I joined in *wave wave*. She was quite embarrassed that she is pabuhay (means still supported financially by parents, or sugar dad if you have) to her mom. And there a light bulb lit in my head, and told her that she doesn’t need to be ashamed of that because I, too, is still supported by my parents.

The reason for this is that I am currently taking my master’s degree, and my parents’ condition was this: skwela, humana imong master’s samtang makapakaon pami nimo (go to school and finish your master’s while we can still feed you). As much as I wanna focus on school, I have to pay for my tuition fee (my parents stopped paying when we graduated), and my salary depends on how many loads I’m given and willing to take. I took on the role of paying for our wifi, and even got myself a plan for St. Peter. Working in a state univ as a part timer meant delayed pays, taxes and no benefits. Only deductions upon arriving late. Whenever I go out for coffee with friends or alone, it’s always part of the budget because I need a conducive place to relax or finish what I’m working on (I just wanna insert this here, because coffee is a necessity not luxury).

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But you know what, just because you’re still living under your parents’ roof, it makes you less independent. You’re not. Why? Inflation rate is so high these days, rent alone in the city could start from 6,000 php (5,000 php is rare these days), and then utility bills are paid separately, then you have food, and other necessities. Your purchasing power is also paralleled by your salary. And if you know that you’re contributing something or doing something for yourself so you could also give back to your family, or really leave home so you could practice being financially independent, then that is definitely okay. You have your own pacing. My friend’s mom even told her this: “enjoy mo yung pagkadalaga mo kasi pag nagkaanak ka di ka makakabili ng sarili mong panty! (Enjoy being single because when you have a kid, you can’t even buy yourself an underwear!)” And this one totally makes sense. And just because there are times when you can’t go out and hang out with your friends because you have priorities for your money, that is okay. That is your money, not theirs, because hello, story of my life too, you’re not alone.

cheers honey~
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There are lots of ways to see yourself as independent, so do not box yourself in the category of leaving your parents’ house. If no one understands you, I do. At least you have parents who still care for you and are there for you. But if your parents are not emotionally supportive, at least you’re doing something for yourself to be independent, and that is more than enough. And for those who are living on their own, I commend you guys for your hard work, it is never easy, but just wanna say I’m proud of you if no one has told you yet.

 

So motivational quote before I end this: Just because they can do it, you can. You can’t, because your life is different from theirs. You take the wheels, and keep moving forward.

 

Writer,

Thin Girl