Welcome! To another funny story which is by fact, a
horrendous story for me. So please, brace yourself and make sure you’re not
eating while reading this. If you get to finish this post, congratulations! If
not, just get on with your life haha.
Have you ever tried being wasted? Or have you ever tried
seeing your friends getting wasted? Whose vomit got cleaned after, your
friend’s? Or yours? What you’re about to read my friend, is a gruesome story
about a wasted night, that would make you think twice to go
out with your friends, drinking.
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It was Christmas, year 2017. My colleagues and I chipped in
for an overnight condo stay for our own party. After duty, we bought Christmas
gifts, food and other essentials and met straight up in the hotel. The condo we
rented felt really homey and had enough space for our number. Let me give you a
bit of a tour inside the room for your imagination.
When you open the door from the outside, there’s the kitchen
on your right, then the bathroom on your left. If you walk forward, there’s the
dining table *which I think was round? But not that big* still, on your right,
just next to the kitchen. Then there’s the living room, with a big window on
the center of the wall a few meters away from the kitchen, covered from floor
to ceiling with big curtains and a couch in front of it. While on the corner,
which is on your right, you’ll find a sofa, just a few centimetres from the
dining table. (We moved the sofa in exchange with the couch ‘coz we had some
sort of family picture that needed proper arrangement until the next day haha) Then
there’s the center table in front of the sofa. On your left, which is in front
of the sofa *before it was moved*, there’s the television with the foot of the stairs
on its left *which is your right when you look at it* that heads to the second
floor which is a spacious area for sleeping, with cabinets drilled to the wall,
a bed for two in front of it and mattresses provided on the floor.
Now enough of this because I don’t even think I made sense
with my tour, but make sure you take note of the living room that might be
useful for later haha.
So we had picture-taking, gift exchanging, eating what was
pledged and chipped in, karaoke, movie watching, talking, and drinking. A whole
lot of drinking orchestrated by my male colleagues. I didn’t drink though, no
matter how much they insisted. So 5 of them drank and 2 of my female colleagues
joined. So the males were Snorlax, Baleen, Sushi, Eggroll and Corn. I’ll just
name them this way because I just want to haha. The females were Clara *I have
to name her this or I won’t be posting this for sure* and Zubat. The males have
of course, higher tolerance for alcohol. I think it was Eggroll who had the
highest tolerance among them. As for Clara and Zubat, you’ll know later.
So they were enjoying themselves drinking whatever alcohol they
had, while I was out there in the kitchen, eating my heart out with food. As
the night got deeper, some of my colleagues went to sleep, especially the older
ones. Bean, a male colleague, was probably scrolling on his phone as he fell
asleep on the mattress with his flip flops on.
The drinking session went on as I watched from a movie to
Eggroll’s karaoke. Until, Zubat became too annoyingly chatty for her own good. I
actually wanted to smack her hahaha. I don’t quite remember how she shut her
mouth up and got herself to sleep. Snorlax also went to sleep earlier than the
rest.
The following moments were a blur, but I do remember the
moment Clara flicked her index finger at no one, her left leg propped on the
sofa while the other was standing on the floor, body oozing with tipsiness, eyes
becoming droopy. That’s when I knew, she was getting wasted.
I was about to sleep upstairs when there was a commotion
downstairs. Baleen kept pestering me to
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I forgot how she got herself on the floor, but I perfectly
remember how she was sprawled out on her vomit and how Sushi was dragging her by
her right arm to the bathroom. He was laughing with an evil one while doing
that haha. Just imagine how the vomit got also dragged by her body. I know,
really gross. She looked like a sleeping pig that was about to be slaughtered,
in all honesty.
Since she wasn’t finished throwing up everything, Baleen was
holding her up as she sat on the bathroom floor, moaning every time she was
about to throw up. She even scooped her hand inside the toilet and dipped it in
the water. And we made reactions of disgust and scolded her. She almost got
that toilet-dipped hand into her mouth if he didn’t grab it.
Corn, one of the mature-aged males, who was trying to snoop
on what’s going on, smelled alcohol with his face beet red, and was talking
nonsense in English. I think the only thing I remember he said was, “is she
okay?” and went outside to light some cigarette.
Once we thought the throwing up session was all over, we
decided to give her a shower with her clothes and my sarong on her. Vomit was
all over her body and the smell ugh was just too horrid, it took so much effort
for Baleen and I to keep ourselves from throwing up. Especially Baleen, who had
no choice but to sober up since he had been drinking too. But we were wrong.
She kept throwing up on the bathroom floor when there’s still the living room
to take care of.
Actually I didn’t have a choice but to really assist in
cleaning up her mess. It was either I leave her be, swimming in her vomit and
we wake up in disgust, or clean up and get it over and done with. I chose the
latter, my overly maarte self just got
the best of me. I was the only female left to be up, while the others, Sushi,
was a traitor because he left the mopping for me, before Clara finished
throwing up on the bathroom floor, excusing himself to an early dawn mass with
his wife, Eggroll who was more than unwilling and nonchalant to help out, while
Baleen was a guy and couldn’t possibly change her clothes. And of course there
was Corn, all drunk. Good thing he didn’t give us another mess to clean up
with.
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So there was just the two of us tending up to our Clara. I
even lost count how many times she threw up. I remember Baleen held out the tabo (which I googled in English meant
pitcher/dipper) for her to throw up bile with, while I flushed what’s inside
the tabo into the toilet. He was the one supporting her weight *what
do you expect I may be strong for my skinny body, but she was twice heavier
than she was sober*, telling me to get this and that, while I did all the
things like mopping, sweeping, showering her with a nozzle, getting and
changing her clothes while I was complaining and muttering the whole time. Whenever
I would mutter complaints like, “I never wanted to clean up someone else’s
mess, let alone vomit, and here I am cleaning her freaking mess, what am I her mother?!”,
he would console me by saying, “I also had a drink besh and I’m trying my best
not to throw up especially with all this bile.”
Trivia: You’d know what your friend’s been eating after
throwing up. I’ll never look at lasagna the same ever again.
Changing her clothes was another challenge. I had to ransack
her clothes and grab her undies but there wasn’t anything she could wear to
sleep. So he was kind enough to lend his extra clothes to make her feel
comfortable while sleeping. We had to change her on the sofa, the curtains over
Clara and I as Baleen had to assist her weight outside the curtains. So after all the hassle, we finally got
everything under control and, I had to tie the curtains together so it would
serve like a canopy as she slept. She slept soundly as we cleaned the rest of
the mess.
He even taught me a life hack that if you don’t have any
detergent or soap inside the bathroom, you could use toothpaste mixed with
water just so it could ease the smell of vomit. A faint smell was still there
but it did the work. I don’t even remember how many hours we had to clean
everything, but damn it was really exhausting.
So Baleen and I woke up to the noise downstairs after 2
hours of sleep. They were so noisy. And boy was I really grumpy. We didn’t have
enough sleep but he was just laughing it off as how nightmarish it was for me.
I also didn’t want to take all the credit of cleaning up her mess, because it
was he who told me what to do like how we should team up on getting her cleaned
up. ‘Coz if it was just me I would’ve left her alone inside the bathroom after
giving her a shower haha. If I did that, you can’t blame me, she was too heavy
for my own good hahaha. But technically, I did clean everything up.
So the moment Clara woke up, she felt something was
different. She was wondering how she ended up on the sofa and how her clothes
were different from the last night. She didn’t remember all the fuss she
caused. So when I walked downstairs I really had this grumpy look and was mad
about it then she gushed over me saying, “thank you besh! You’re a real
friend.” Didn’t wanna ruin her bubble with me saying, “of course! I was ‘bout
to leave you with your vomit! If it wasn’t for Baleen!” but of course I didn’t,
I knew that deep down I still cared enough to get her cleaned up but not the
second time around, never ever, until this day and in the near future.
It was a real nightmare. Like one of my number one rules is
to never clean up someone’s mess, especially if they get wasted. That’s why I
don’t drink, and I don’t like hanging out where it involves heavy drinking. And
then there it was, a life-changing moment. My first wasted clean up. It was
horrible. Up to this day, I could still imagine how it smelled. The undigested
lasagna was just ugh. Just so you know, I was gagging and cringing while
writing this. Hahaha. Clara, you know I love you, but I’m gonna curse you for
life if you go drinking in my presence again.
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Moral lesson: Drink moderately.
P.S. Oh, and Clara, if you’re reading this, please return my
sarong after this ECQ ends. I hope it doesn’t smell like bile no more hahahaha.
And please do remember to give Baleen your heartfelt thanks. You still owe him
that. *wink*
P.P.S. Congratulations for finishing this post! Hope you
weren’t eating the whole time. Until the next funny story! ;)
Writer,
Thin Girl
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