These days, my dad had been kidding ‘bout 2 of my brothers getting married to (1) my friend who’s 6 years younger than me and (2) to my mom’s colleague who’s about the same age with my other brother.
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I asked him if he already wanted to have grand kids. Mom told him if he missed having a baby, then he could just get someone pregnant and have this baby as his grand kid. I kidded his own children are allergic to marriage so he can’t have one. My dad just laughed us off.
I dunno if this was because my younger brother’s 17-year-old
friend just became a young father recently. Mom thinks it’s because he’s
already 60, but his colleagues and friends became grandparents when they were
still 50. But I think I have a hunch for that.
When we were younger, my dad was almost never home because he
worked in a university far north and had to travel everyday by bus. I used to
be a papa’s girl years before my younger brother was born, but since he always
worked from Mondays to Saturdays, those moments became quite vague to me.
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Even if my dad was almost never there when we were growing up, I understood at such a young age that he was working hard for us. I never resented or had bad feelings towards him and rather worked hard myself. Me and my older siblings didn’t feel bad when there were times our parents weren’t there for school meetings or family days because we knew that there were more important things for them to do. There were also times that his weekends were taken away from him since he needed to work double on the sidelines, especially when my older brother and I were going to college and the youngest one going to a private high school.
There also came a time where he had to stay in the university
during weekdays and came home during weekends so his laundry could be washed
and he could bring new clothes back for another week. I thought it was a better
idea since it was never easy getting a ride far north and he always had to
bring a big backpack. I even thought he was sleeping in a decent dorm room, but
when I got the chance to go with him, my sister and mom to help cleaning his
lab/classroom, I was really surprised to see his dorm room. I was expecting a
well-lit, clean dorm room, but it was worse than I thought.
His room looked like an old warehouse or a basement, his window
is overlooking with grasses, his bed looked like an old, used but unwashed mattress,
that it actually felt like prison. His neighboring rooms got decent beds and
rooms, his looked like it hadn’t been used for years but you don’t have other
mattresses so you make him use it. It didn’t look like a decent dorm room for a
faculty member. Looking back to it, I feel my heart gripping. It made me
feel angry because it was really insulting.
My dad didn’t have an easy life there for 17 years. Even the
students were not worth teaching if you ask me. He was almost spoon-feeding
them every session and yet they didn’t even use their brains. They cheated
openly and still complained. Their evaluations were personally attacking him, that
he came home looking down and insulted. I felt like slapping those pieces of
paper to those brainless idiots. Mind you, they were in college.
He also experienced getting sick so many times from being too workaholic that he wouldn’t take a day off because we had bills to pay. He also experienced borrowing money as low as 50 bucks because he needed it. It took him 17 years to finally be transferred to the city and gain the position he deserved. His struggle was too much that it made me wonder how my dad kept his sanity intact with all those years.
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Even if we are not affectionate with each other, I can still
feel my father’s love through his hard work. We may not be able to say it
through words, but the fact that small things like how my dad gave me some of
his shirts because I loved white loose t-shirts at home is more than enough
proof for that.
I think how my parents worked hard for
us made me learn to be frugal and appreciate little things more until we became
adults. I just hope our youngest brother realizes this.
Our journey as a family was never easy. My dad didn’t have
it easy working at a university. It felt like the administration didn’t just
try to block my father’s career growth, but including his chances to be a
father to us. I think this is why he spoils our youngest brother or maybe wants
a grandchild since he wasn’t able to do that to us when we really had a hard
time, especially with our finances.
I came to understand why he buys himself some expensive
things. He actually became quite a big spender and sometimes we had to call him
out for it. But I think he deserved it because he never had the chance to
reward himself that much. But of course we gotta remind him not to go overboard
with the groceries haha.
During this pandemic I’ve gotten used to having conversations with my dad, calling him out on his diet, kidding around him, or looking after him just like reminding him to take it easy.
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So for those younger ones who have either their mom or dad
or both parents working and couldn’t be there for you 24/7 or couldn’t help with your homework or even attend your family days at school, I just hope you try to
understand your parents more. Even if they can’t give you the attention that
you need, know that they’re doing the best they can when all they
wanted was to be there for you. Even if there are times that you won’t understand
them and their ways, they are actually trying to show you how much they care in
their own way. I’m not saying that you have to swallow all their expectations
for you, but you know there is always compromise. The best thing you can do to
give back to them is to also do your best. Since they worked hard for you, the
only thing they’d want to see is for you to succeed. And that is the best thing
a parent could ever want from his/her child than becoming teenage parents.
Even if you’re adults now, it’s not too late to catch up and
spend time with your parents. You can’t always count on lost time. Even if you
argue so much, hold on to them tight and make new memories with your parents. As
they say, we are not only getting older, our parents are too.
Writer,
Thin Girl
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