A Blabber on my Writingscapade

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Writing had always been an unconscious, life-long dream to me. It all started when I was young. I could remember writing poems on an unused music notebook (of whoever owned it at home) and made my sister read some of them.

I could remember I wrote two lines from a song, which I didn’t know she’d notice haha. Yeah I know, I was a kid I didn’t know plagiarism yet at a very young age. But that was only one, the rest were from my own words.

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There was one time in high school, we were asked to write a poem in our English class and believe me, it was all about frogs. It was kinda weird but it made me think that you can make something out of anything. So I wrote one and my paper wasn’t returned. That’s when I heard from a schoolmate that my poem was actually read to their class. And I felt a flutter in my heart when she told me that. I mean who wouldn’t haha. It felt so nice, I didn’t know my teacher appreciated it , she didn’t even return my paper. I felt like gloating but then again I’m a humble one. *wink*

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Fast forward to college, I only wrote two of the best driven essays in my whole college life, *that’s as far as I can remember* since Psychology involved research writing. And that meant technicalities and a whole bunch of “no flowery words.” It’s not like I hated it, but hello, who doesn’t get bored with technical writing, right?

So I was “almost” failing on my two subjects in different semesters namely Physics and Ethics. Yup. You heard it right.  And take note, they’re minor subjects. I needed to pass these two ‘coz I was “almost” failing and Hallelujah! I passed. I wrote an essay about animation in relation to Physics *sounds cool huh*, and an essay related to issues and morals in the society for Ethics. As for Ethics, my teacher was so stingy he crashed out the 90+ grade on my essay and wrote an 85+ instead with the note: This is not an issue. It was related to LGBT by the way. From 3.1 to 2.8 real quick. But whatever I passed.  

That was the last time I had a driven writing in college. Something that would make me want to  skip my meals because my brain was soaring. But nah. It didn’t happen again, ‘coz research happened. 

Year 2015. I graduated. I wrote again. Two poems. One from a guy I met who became a stranger afterwards, and a broken friendship. After that, I never wrote again.

Fast forward to present, I’m writing once again since last 2019. There was this boy whom I lost to cancer. He was my miracle. The grief was so much I thought I was about to go to a dark place again. So I turned to writing letters for him on my memo. Things I could’ve said to him. And then, I decided to write poems to turn that pain into something beautiful. Words. Thoughts. Something that could make me exhaust that regret and pain. And then I started turning to tinder. I looked for some conversations where I might find him. But I didn’t find one. Though it helped me more on my writing. Weird, but tinder made me want to write a book, which of course, I won’t tell you yet. Then I started writing short stories. Unfinished, but made me feel driven.

The most beautiful words can be written when you are in pain.

And now, here I am creating this blog. Writing my story to you. Soon of others. Yours even. Creating this blog was no easy feat. I was frustrated, on the verge of giving up and throwing it all away. But some people believed in me. Encouraged me. So I took a break, and carried on. It wasn’t easy to write again. But I asked myself, “is this worth the fight despite being jobless at the moment?”

Of course. Without question.

Writer,

Thin Girl