Unwritten Bucket Lists

We all have bucket lists right?
Some write it down, some just take a mental note of it, some I dunno how they keep track of. Well for a person who loves writing and reading, ironically, I don’t list them haha. You think all writers are organized and all but at some point, I’m kind of not. Tehee~

Fun fact is, lists are quite spontaneous. Like not the adventure-type-spontaneous, but it just pops out of my head and then I tell myself, okay I wanna do that, keep a mental note, forget it. But in the long run, I remember on some occasions and do it just then and there. I dunno if I’m making any sense to you, but that’s it. Because the last time I made one on paper back in college, after 5 years, I discovered that none of them really even happened hahaha.

So why does one have a bucket list? For me, I think it’s a list I wanna do before I’m a goner. Something to quench my curiosity, or something I wanna do outside my comfort zone, something quirky or
something that would make me realize, “oh that’s cool I could actually do it…or not.” I always see myself as a lazy potato, but when I really wanna try something, I would do it. However, there are just some restraints or limitations why I couldn’t do some of these lists.

1.  Finances.

I know it sounds ironic to people who know me, when I actually buy myself books haha. But since travelling is one of the bucket lists I have, and I know some of you would really love to travel, I can’t

spend much on it alone though. Aside from the fact that I have my priorities, I don’t even have a stable job yet. I wanted to save up for my future even when I was still working. Yet, with the salary I had, I knew I could afford that plane ticket.

A friend used to tell me, I shouldn’t think much about money. Money spent would always be coming back to me and that it’s the moment I’d be remembering, not what I spent.

I almost fell for it you know, where someone tells you something and it feels like you're having a last song syndrome? That’s how I actually felt. She was the YOLO type of girl and of course I wanted to travel (I mean who doesn’t?), but the fact that we had different priorities, lives, and ways of handling money. I just couldn’t spend that much.

YOU DON’T HAVE TO SPEND ON SOMETHING JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE’S TELLING YOU TO BUY THAT PLANE TICKET. UNLESS YOU HAVE THE SAVINGS FOR THAT.

I need to restrain myself from spending too much, since I really have plans going to grad school. *but then again I spent too much on books, coffee and food* I did spend on travel before when I was invited. I spent because I wanted to get away and try it at the same time. But not having the budget for that, I refused even if I felt bad. Besides, even when everyone tells you "you only live once," yet you know you have priorities, there’s nothing wrong with it. The perfect time to cross that off the list will come. Dreams do come true you know.

2. Fear. Overthinking.

I’m no adventure junkie, but I’d really love to try on an adventure myself. Yet, I can’t help but be nervous and end up not doing it at all. It takes courage to overcome one’s fear. One of mine is being more than 5 feet underwater. I hate it when my feet can’t feel sea bed. I hate drowning, because I can’t swim. Yep. I can probably float because I’m slim, but… I. JUST. CAN’T. SWIM.

There are times when I wanna go somewhere on my own but I can’t because I feel paranoid with everything around me. Like people might think, “what is she doing, why is she here herself?” or like “is she waiting for someone? Why would she come all the way here?”, “she looks so lonely on her own.” Yup, I think people really have something to say with what others do, especially when you’re just sitting inside that fast food chain without ordering.

But somehow, when you get to overcome these fears and thoughts, you’d realize it actually feels good to do it. It puts you on a great mood you wouldn’t want it to end. So fuck what they think and care less. They’re not paying for you anyways.

3. Laziness

We all have that moment, where you’re too lazy to get out and rather stay indoors to make up for the times you haven’t even slept. I do that too, because I’m toooo lazy for my own good. There are times I’d make up lame excuses just to get myself holed up in my room. If you tried being burned out, or maybe because you’re just some lazy potato like me, you’d most probably understand. And I love doing absolutely nothing by the way.

4. Hectic schedule.

This happens a lot to adults. Well even if I’m jobless right now, I have my own schedule at home too, as when I was working. Prior to my joblessness, where my cash flow was still continuous, I would always tell myself that I wanna have a date with myself here, or like I wanna try that food at blah blah blah. And the list just goes on. Some of it did happen. Some didn’t because demands on employees are just endless. So some of those bucket lists never took place, even with some colleagues. Plans that never even happened. I couldn’t even meet my friends who were a few kilometers away from my workplace. Priorities. Adulthood. Tch.

I guess that’s it for the restraints. But you know what, despite these restraints, there’s always a perfect timing for that list. Never forget that.

Writer,

Thin Girl