How to Squeeze a Lemon

I remember it was a random date night with one of my closest friends, way back 2018. So I’m dedicating this blog post to my dear friend, if ever you’re reading this, know that your extra illogical, dumb, effortless sense of humor is a curse and a gift. This is for you. Now everyone, let’s call her Lounie.

So Lounie and I decided to set a date since we hadn’t really seen each other that long, even when her workplace was just a few kilometers away from mine. That’s how much adulting has taken our life by storm, by the way. So we decided to set a schedule where both of us were free. Whenever we had one, it’s usually at coffee shops, or affordable restaurants where we could indulge our love for food and coffee.

Lounie, who’s just a few meters away from restos and coffee shops, made suggestions on where we could eat. And then she was like,” how 'bout we eat at Yoshouken, it’s a Japanese restaurant around here and they really have good food.” I was kinda skeptic because you know, some ramen shops aren’t that authentic. Even when they say it’s a ramen house, its most probably a lie because they only used instant noodles which you can find at a convenient store. Now going back, I asked her if their ramen was good. Since she’s got quite good taste, I trusted her on that.

Fast forward to evening, I wore my favorite maroon knitted blouse and washed gray jeans, of course you have to look good on a date night with friends too, you know. It’s like a boost of confidence when your friends compliment you with your “unusual getup.”

The only memory left of that fateful night. (I lost my files to
 a broken hard drive)

So we ordered chicken, gyoza and yakisoba I guess, I dunno, it’s been 2 years since we ate there what do you expect haha. But what I do remember is this moment. We were halfway eating of what was on the table when she asked: (not verbatim)

Lounie: Besh, ganahan ka mutry butngan ug lemon kaning chicken? (Would you like to try squeezing some lemon on the chicken?)

And I was like: Oo besh ganahan ta ko mutry pero abi nakog di ka ganahan butangan so wala rasad ko. (Yes I would’ve liked to try but I thought you didn’t want to so I just let it be.)

Lounie: hala ako sad mao ako githink haha. Sige unsaon mani oily baya ako kamot. (Oh I thought the same thing haha. So how do I do this, my hands are oily. *she was eating some chicken by hand*)

Me: Gamiti ug  tissue besh nig squeeze nimo para di mupilit ang oil sa lemon (Use the tissue when you squeeze so the oil won’t make the lemon greasy.)

Lounie: Oh sige sige. (Oh okay okay.)

A few moments later I was busy eating ramen until...

Lounie: Besh unsa mani oi murag feel nako mahurot na ang juice sa lemon sa tissue wa nay maadtus chicken. (Besh why do I feel like all the juices will be gone, the tissue’s gonna absorb all of it and none will be left for the chicken.)  

Me: *huh? Nanung mahurot man ang juice sa lemon?* (huh? why would all the juices be gone?)

When I looked at what she was doing, it wasn’t the whole lemon peel she was holding while squeezing, it was the lemon pulp itself!

Me: Besh unsaon man di paghurot anang juice na ang pulp man imong gisqueeze?! Di man ang lemon itself omgeeeee (Besh, how the hell wont it be consumed when you’re squeezing the pulp?! It’s not the lemon itself you’re squeezing omgeeeee.)

Lounie: Hala sorry ha wa mn gud ko naanad aning resto resto gud na laysho. (Duh I’m sorry I’m not used to luxurious restaurants.)

Me: Besh wa mn sad koy adtu2 intawn ug resto oi di man kailangan muadtu kag resto para makaybaw mu squeeze ug lemon! Way kalamansi sa inyo dzae? (Besh I don’t even go to luxurious restos, you don’t have to go to a resto just to know how to squeeze a lemon! Don’t you have kalamansi at home?)

Lounie: .......

Me: Omgeeee Lounie I never thought wala kay logic! Huhuhu (Omgeeeee I never thought you didn’t have logic! Huhuhu)

pinterest.com

How squeezing a lemon would somehow look like. See how it's squeezed inwards?

pinterest.com/edited in paint

I meant for her to squeeze the lemon inwards *as illustrated by the 6 arrows pointing to the lemon peel* But looking at the big curvy arrow on the center? That's where she directly squeezed. 

That conversation really took me by surprise! I mean she’s a respectable employee, friend, and she’s very, very smart I tell you. I never thought my smart friend got no logic left in her. Then I realized, omigod it IS true that smart people got no common sense sometimes. I’m so lucky I’m not that smart hahaha. I’m just kidding no offense people.

But after that we just kept on laughing our asses off. It was really funny, every time I remember it even without meaning to, the way her face was flushed of embarrassment, and how she tried to save her face, was a sight to behold. It was as if I broke down her barrier. That’s because she looks reserved and pure. As if she can’t break a glass. But that’s all lies of course. She’s one of the most savage friends I’ve got *no wonder were friends* and the most laid back person anyone would wanna spend time with. (I promised I’d make her sound good in this post even for a bit).

It was quite refreshing when that happened. Aside from it being funny, I discovered something about her, even after years of friendship. Which is not having logic. It made me realize that even if you’ve been friends with someone for a long time, you still get to discover something about that person from time to time, may it be good or bad. Real good friends could be quirky around each other with no pretenses at all. That you could just be yourself even when you look stupid, because they’ll make you look even more stupid haha.

Real friends make each other look dumb in public places

P.S. I got to the point of searching on google, to check if there’s a way to describe the squeezing of lemon. Like I literally googled “How to squeeze a lemon,” or like “how to describe squeezing a lemon.” Apparently there were steps on squeezing lemons. But I think there's no such thing as squeezing pulp with tissues.Worse, I got my brain tainted that squeezing lemon is also a sexual metaphor. You get the picture.

screenshot: google.com

P.P.S Congratulations for reading it this far. That means you think it's funny and wasted your time on something nonsense.

Writer, 

Thin Girl